Letters to my babies

*So excited to be able to write babies!

Dear Henry,

You're going to be a big brother so soon! I love you to pieces and am so proud of you - of your silliness, your determination, your love of trucks and trains and all things that travel, your smiles and hugs and cuddles, your sensitivity, the way you love to read books. And I can't wait to see you become a big brother. I know it won't always be easy, but I know you'll do a fantastic job and can't wait to see you with your sibling. I've loved watching you grow for the past two and a half years, and watching how far you've come in such a short time. I'm excited to be able to spend this summer with you and new baby. I can't believe my little man will be going to preschool in the fall. You've taught us what it means to be parents. Your baby brother or sister is coming soon!

Love, Mommy

Dear New Baby,

I can't wait to meet you soon! I love you to pieces already and are so excited to actually have you here in my arms. I love having you in my tummy and a part of me is sad to see that come to an end because even though this pregnancy has been hard for many reasons, I do love being pregnant and I know there will be times that I will miss this. Just as your babyhood will go by in the blink of an eye, being pregnant with you really has gone by quickly too. I can't wait to see you meet all of your milestones, to watch you grow up into the person you will become, to help you learn, to discover what you like to do, to watch you with your big brother, to kiss and hold you. There are so many people who love you so come on out (quickly and safely, please) and meet them!

Love, Mommy

I'll be able to see these two side by side soon, but for now, this will have to do:

How is it that their little bottoms are tiny enough to fit in these little diapers????

And this picture was from the day I thought we might be going into the hospital last week - 38 weeks

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GROWTH!

Whoohoo - the baby weighs 6-2!

6 lbs 2 oz is significant growth in less than two weeks, since at the beginning of all these troubles the baby was weighing in at 4 lbs 7 oz. Growth from less than 10th percentile up into the 25th percentile, which is so much better. I thought we weren't even going to be having a five pound baby, so that was really great news to receive yesterday. We're so thankful and so glad that bed rest is working, it makes it so much easier to do. All my tests came back positive and fluid levels are up and we are all set for March 7 induction. Can't wait to meet this little bundle!

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An Update

Thank goodness, no baby yet. This past week I saw the doctor three times a week (isn't it sad that I was actually excited to be able to get out of the house off bed rest to see the doctor three times, not two?) and had two ultrasounds and three non-stress tests. Actually, the ultrasounds are bio-physical profiles where they measure four aspects like fluid levels, fetal breathing, fetal movement and heart rate, not all of the measurements of a normal ultrasound. The baby has scored 8 out of 8 (2 points per category or 0, no half credit) both times. My fluid levels went up from 5cm last week to 10 cm Monday to 8 cm yesterday. The doctor is happy to see improvement and is not concerned so much on the drop at the end of this week - it is a somewhat "fluid" measurement subject to position, etc.

The baby had looked really great on the monitors this week, so I was pretty confident Friday that it would be the same too. Except as I was laying there, the baby just had a consistent heart rate, not the accelerations accompanied by movement that they look for. And I wasn't really feeling any movement during that time. So that was concerning to the doctor, and at the very end of the test, the baby's heart rate dropped from average of 130s down to 70s. That was pretty scary, and I'm glad the doctor walked in when he did! I can't tell if the monitors in the office are hooked up to the nurses' desk like they are in the hospital. So with that picture, he sent me to the hospital for further monitoring. I was on the monitors for 2 hours, and the baby looked great, so I'm not sure what happened at the doctor's office, but I'm glad that we played it safe. I'll be going back to the hospital today for another NST just to make sure - my fourth this week! And next week the same pattern, three times a week NST and twice a week bio-physical profile. And bed rest of course.

And I have an induction date set for 39 weeks - March 7! So we'll see if that actually happens or not. They could always move it up if something looks bad on the monitoring. Or if I go into labor naturally. I'm not sure if they would push it back, but I'm going to ask today, and they might, you never know! This baby seems to like to make things interesting :)

So that's the story. Bed rest is actually going okay. I'm reading my first book on Gabe's work ipad. I caught up on all the movies I'd like to watch from Red Box. The internet has kept me in touch. I've been able to fight boredom pretty well. My mom has been a great help with the laundry and cooking and cleaning (she has to leave today, boo). I've got more family coming in and lots of friends who are helping out with watching Henry when we don't have family here. The hardest part (besides feeling like the biggest bum in the world and not being able to take care of my family and home) is that it is hard for Henry when he wants me to do something and I can't. He's had some meltdowns, and some defiant behaviors we haven't seen as much of before - but overall he's handling everything well, as best he can. He knows he has to bring me his toys to play with on the couch, but we've been managing. I'm allowed one hour in the am and one hour in the pm off bed rest to do mild activity, which mostly just means playing on the floor with Henry rather than the couch. But that is nice, and pretty much how I choose to spend that precious hour.

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all our bags are packed...

...and we're ready to go :)

Well, ready for whatever today might bring that is. Hopefully, that's just me being sent back home to rest more, and give the baby more time. Although I go back and forth between overwhelming thoughts about giving birth soon and waiting. It is hard to know what today might bring. But we're ready.

My activity level has been practically zero these past four days. I've camped out on the couch, getting up to go to the bathroom, shower, and get some water/food o

r do something only I can do or find along the way. Thank goodness for the internet, I don't know what people on bed rest did before internet and cell phones. I've been able to be productive with as much as I can do online. I've watched some movies, very little tv because let's face it, there's not much worth watching, and read some magazines. And snacked on protein bars, which are far superior to protein shakes. I've been able to fight boredom pretty well, staying busy and getting things checked off my always forever growing lists helps me feel productive.

Henry and I have spent quality time doing puzzles, reading, watching a few of his shows, and playing with some toys. He's been doing well with understanding "mommy

has to rest". He sang me his ABCs yesterday, his self-decided cure, SO sweet. But it is also hard on him, when he wants Mommy to play or go somewhere with him, or do something for him, not just lie on the couch. He said yesterday:

H: "mommy, I have to go pee potty"

Me: "ok Henry, daddy will take you."

H: "no, mommy."

Me: "mommy has to rest on the couch, remember?"H: "that makes Henry so sad."

(oh, it just broke my heart!)

Me: "it makes mommy so sad too. Can you go with daddy?"

H: "ok" (and he trotted off no problem)

I learned with Henry at the end of pregnancy, do what your body tells you. If you are tired, take a nap if you can. Get something done when you can. You never know when you will or will not be able to sleep or do whatever else, middle of the afternoon or middle of t

he night. And at about 31 weeks, I thought, should I pack my hospital bags? And followed it up with, no, it's too early. And went to the hospital about two days later. Intuition is a beautiful thing.

Luckily, these past weeks when I've been healthy, I did get a lot done. Got those bags packed, for sure. And then moved a ton of stuff around the house and organized some closets. New carpet in the basement - so soft! New blinds in all the bedrooms - that open and close! Made a little office in the unfinished basement since the office/guest room became the baby's room. That is still a work in progress so I'll post more pictures later. And Gabe painted

the nursery, and I worked on setting it up. I organized and washed clothes a few months ago. Bought a double stroller online. So thankful all the big stuff was completed. Nesting is also a beautiful thing.

Pictures of the nursery and Henry's room, some projects I did in January.

New Nursery - yellow! Still needs curtains and now has new blinds

With the yellow, I didn't like how the beige chair looked, so I decided to cover it. And make a table cloth for the side table to bring in some more color and another pattern.

I loved how it turned out! The cover and stool was the last project I accomplished, and the arm rest covers and table cloth still need to be sewn. I'll either finish when I can sit up at the sewing machine, or my mom might if she has time while she is here. I love how it turned out!

Finishing touches to Henry's train room:

won off of ebay. And he loves his moon, so he can turn on and off his own light.

Handmade signs above the bed

And found these cute pictures in a calendar for only $1.00! Cheap frames worked perfectly!

And grandma and Henry have been busy making signs!

now off to go find out what the day will bring!

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Resting in Bed

Yes, I'm on bedrest. Boo.Long story short:

Yesterday I went in for my regular appointment, and also ended up having an ultrasound and non-stress test. I am now on bedrest, being monitored with ultrasound/NST twice a week until they are ready for me to deliver. They are concerned about low amniotic fluid and baby’s lack of growth. The doctor said that I could deliver as early as Monday, but it also could be on an appointment to appointment basis. It is a balancing act between leaving the baby in for as long as possible and needing to get the baby out if my fluid starts to deteriorate more.

Yikes!

The details:

The baby is measuring only 4lbs, 7 ounces, which puts it in under the 10th percentile. That is gestational measurements of 33 weeks, as opposed to the almost 37 weeks that I am. Small baby. I haven't gained a single ounce since I was in the hospital probably because of the super healthy diet I'm on because of the gallbladder. The bigger concern for th

e doctor is the amount of amniotic fluid. So hence the bedrest on my left side, and I'm to drink water like crazy, and eat lots of protein - bars and shakes - basically Ensure, "to my health!" At least I think that's what they say in the commercials. Luckily, the baby looked good on the monitor, and I'm not having any contractions. So the goal is to keep the

baby in as long as it is healthy to avoid other complications after birth, and to get the baby out as soon as we need to.

This is scary for me for a few reasons: of course we want a healthy, healthy baby; I don't want to deliver by c-section if I don't have to; it is hard not knowing how long I w

ill be on bedrest; it's a challenging time of year with Gabe's work - he's very busy with files and admits; it's hard to take care of a 2 1/2 year old on bedrest. Luckily, my mom is here for a few

days to help out.

This is also worrisome and upsetting to me for a few reasons: we don't know what is causing the amount of fluid to be low, or the birth weight to be low; I worry that I could have done something better or different; 4 lbs 7 ounces is really small.

We did get some new ultrasound pictures, and seeing the baby on the monitor and ultrasound is always a treat.

The profile - a little harder to see now that the baby is "bigger"

Face looking up - now that the baby is bigger and more filled out, these aren't quite as creepy to me :)

I'll leave you with the words of the doctor: "Monday could be a big day" Oh my.....

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Third Trimester

Last week, when I thought about posting how my third trimester was going, I was able to say it was going so well...just a little more tired but no problems. Getting anxious for meeting our baby and getting everything ready for his or her arrival.

Unfortunately, this post will read a little differently. I spent part of this week (32 weeks) in the hospital with gallbladder complications, a common complication of pregnancy :(. Just a quick recap, since nobody really wants to read all the details: I went to bed Tuesday night with an intense stomach ache that I couldn't identify as indigestion, heartburn, stomach cramp or nausea. I woke up Wednesday morning with the same pain, pretty intense, and getting sick, so I called the doctor, who said to head in to the hospital. At this point, I was worried about preterm labor and just what was going on. I spent 8 hours in triage being poked and prodded (blood draws, exams, monitoring the entire time, ultrasound, fluids, medications, the whole nine yards). My pain was getting worse, I had developed a headache, and fever, and basically every test was inconclusive. They finally determined that the pain was from my gallbladder as shown on the ultrasound - I had an infected gallbladder, a gallstone, and sludge. I wasn't sure what sludge was, but it didn't sound good. I was admitted and stayed until Thursday night - 36 hours. With stomach cramps that came and went, headaches, different pain medications, fluid the entire time, a modified diet (really, almost no diet at all since I didn't have an appetite), blood work, and antibiotics the entire time, it was not a fun 36 hours. We made it through with the help of friends who watched Henry overnight and during the day so that Gabe could stay with me and I finally made it home.

The past few days have been recovery days, and trying to figure out what foods will work for me and what will not. Basically, healthy, healthy, healthy. No fatty foods, fried foods, low fat, low sodium, low cholesterol. It is hard to know what foods will trigger a stomach ache and which will not. Luckily, I'm off pain medications and am regaining my energy, so I'm starting to feel more like myself finally. I'm fighting off a cold to boot (a soar throat and runny nose since the hospital) and terrible neck/back pains from the beds, but hopefully those will go away soon too. Today - good news - first day with no significant stomach ache! Now it's just making it through the next seven weeks on a strict diet to deliver a full term healthy baby. And then have my gallbladder removed.

There's been a couple of positives:

* New Baby has been healthy and 100% this entire time. No contractions, no signs of pre-term labor.

* listening to the baby's heartbeat - a lot. He or she is apparently pretty active as the nurses had trouble keeping the monitor activated.

* another ultrasound and a chance to see New Baby. This was a good distraction during the most intense part of the pain and time when I felt the worst.

* a trial run at the new hospital before we deliver. I haven't really decided if this is a positive or not, but I need more to make a proper list. So I'm keeping it. At least I got to figure out what food options are better than others.

* Henry was such a brave boy, having his first sleepover (but I can't believe I missed dropping him off!) and being on his best behavior at the hospital and at friend's houses. He's been giving me and New Baby so many kisses and hugs and is so loving. He doesn't like to see mommy sick.

* I'm not on bedrest and not still at the hospital on bedrest.

* Gabe was and is a doting, loving, caring husband, tending to me with love and selflessness. But I already knew that. And he's probably going to get mad at me for writing that. But it's true and I love him.

* Supportive family who were willing to get on a plane at the drop of a hat, and who are helping out now that we're back home so I can continue to rest and recover.

Okay, turns out that was a lengthy list. Always good to focus on the positive. Hopefully I won't have any more flair ups and won't have to go to the hospital again, until it is time to deliver. Every one says all these troubles means it's a girl for sure. I'm not sure that makes any sense or that I even want to think that. But I still think that the baby is a girl. If nothing else, this pregnancy is now way different than my first. During my ultrasound, I almost thought about finding out the gender. And even contemplated keeping it a secret to myself since I was the only one there. But I stayed strong and New Baby is still a surprise. New Baby: just hang in there for seven more weeks - and if you want to come a few days or a week early and healthy, that is just fine too!

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just like that

For two years plus I've been growing my hair...

....so that I could take...

...10 plus inches off....

....just like that!

It's quite the change, I'm still getting used to it. I've never really had a cut like this before. And trust me, I've not yet once been able to get the back to look like it did when it was styled. The front either, really. This is my third and final time donating my hair, I was motivated for many reasons, once again I'm so glad I did, but I think this will be the last. I also think it's pretty funny when people ask if I got my haircut. Yes, I think so!

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